Here Be the Blogging

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

  • God Bless the Irish

    Endurance Tests

    Three hang-glider pilots, one Irish, one Australian, and one South African, were in the Australian outback in the shadow of Ayer's Rock, setting up camp for the night and telling tales of their incredible bravado.

    "I once crash-landed in a mangrove swamp," said the Australian, "where there were 6 men all being torn apart by vicious crocodiles. I eviscerated all the crocs and then flew the men to safety with my hang-glider."

    "That's nothing," said the South African. "I once flew 200 miles over the Pacific to rescue a fallen hang-glider who was being eaten by a vicious Great White Shark. I then ate the Great White Shark and flew my friend to safety."

    The Irishman said nothing, and continued to stir the fire with his cock.

Monday, 14 September 2009

Thursday, 13 August 2009

  • Frank Sinatra - Drinking Again

    Oh, yeah, I'm drinkin' again, it's always the same
    That same old story
    After the kicks there's little old mixed-up me
    Tryin' to lose a dream that used to be

    Look at me, I'm drinkin' again, drinkin' all over town
    Yeah, I'm drinkin' again

    I love Frank. And I love all of you. And I love vodka. Maybe not in that order.

Thursday, 23 July 2009

  • I've probably already pointed this out, but

    if I'm not posting anything new, the only reasons I get hits on my page are from people looking for the sniper cat picture I posted a long time ago. Speaking of roughly that same time period, I used to post a lot on here. Now I post a lot (that is, more than once a week) on Twitter. For 2 people. You should sign up and follow me. Become followers 3, 4, possibly 5 of the Pat Hess Experience. Which isn't actually my twitter name.
    But it should be...
    Love,
    / Pat

Sunday, 07 June 2009

  • It Appears...

    ...that I have fallen in love with Felicia Day yet again. If you have no clue who Felicia Day is, FOR SHAME! She is perhaps best known for playing the role of Penny in the amazing Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, which is also when Cupid's arrow first struck this poor man's heart just like it had the, ahem, "good" Doctor in Joss Whedon's second crack at a musical (See: Buffy The Vampire Slayer S6E7 "Once More With Feeling").

    Well it happened again just hours ago when I happened to stumble on Felicia's other popular work, and so help me God for admitting it:
    The Guild.
    What is The Guild you ask? Oh you dear, loving reader. I know you know, or could probably ascertain rather quickly, that I am a man of nerdier tastes, that I prefer fantasy fiction to fantasy football, or that I can better discuss the state of the Multiverse than the state of the Union. For now, I have been lucky to escape the clutches of the modern succubus known as World of Warcraft. I once dared to taste of its temptation, but knew that if I savored for too long I would be ensnared like a fish caught on the hook. Nay, I turned my back from such idolatry to live the peaceful life of a humble comic nerd. I have my New Release Wednesdays, my longboxes and the occasional Comic Convention to tide me over. The Guild threatens to destroy that peace, for it is a lovesong to that alluring bitch WoW.

    The Guild is a webseries focused on the antics of a guild of WoW players, and Felicia is both its writer and star. Not only does her beauty grace the screen but her words grace the speakers, and I have been entrapped. My dalliance with the game itself, and my association with a certain devotee, have given me enough perspective to enjoy the quips and references. It is quickly becoming one of my favorite "Web 2.0" experiences, and I just this night spent a significant amount of time watching the entire series to date. Although it has, at times, pointed out the negative aspects of WoW, I fear it is luring me back, back to a place where I dare not go. It is with this, dear reader, that I leave you with the knowledge of my burden. The Siren has sung and her name is Felicia Day, the rocks are WoW and my vessel is my social life, perhaps even my very sanity. Should I dare risk the oblivion that surely awaits by allowing myself back into the realm of Azeroth by way of The Guild, or do I sail clear of all temptation, swear off the beautiful Felicia, and return to my relatively WoW-free life of acid-free boards and orc-free mylar bags? If only I had the cunning of Odysseus, then I would know when this metaphor was going on for far too long.

    Good night.

Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Sunday, 10 May 2009

Thursday, 26 February 2009

Friday, 13 February 2009

Monday, 26 January 2009

  • I Think This Is Fantastic

    Mickey Rourke is going to do some real rasslin' in Wrestlemania XXV.
    If you don't know why that's fantastic, it's because Rourke just got nominated for/won a bunch of awards for starring in The Wrestler. I haven't seen it yet, but it looks amazing, which is why I'm pimping it to you right now.
    Here's the LINK

Sunday, 11 January 2009

Friday, 09 January 2009

  • Obama Girl Smacks Down a Priest (With Her Boobs)




    Yes we can (haz big titties).

  • Whoa. Like, totally a revelation, you know?

    A Couple Days Ago
    So, like, omg, I totally thought it was time for a serious Xanga post, cuz I'm like, totally depressed and shit. I don't know, like, whatever, you know? I'm pretty sure everyone hates me, I hate myself becuz I have a totally bad self-image, and I think I could just die soon, or whatever. I don't know, it could just be one of those days. Maybe I could sneak a few more of my mom's vicodin or whatever? She won't notice until she runs out, and then she'll just be all, like, "hey let's go get some more from my doctor!" Great mom, your awesome!

    Like, 2 Days Ago
    Ugh. The national economy sucks. I certainly don't have any money. My parents are just like "you just need to find and job and you'll be right as rain!" Fuck that. Whatever, who wants to party tomorrow?! I could totally sneak some of my parents' vodka after their done with it (you know, cuz they'll be totally wasted and won't know its gone!).

    Yesterday
    You know what, fuck this. I need to stop thinking about myself like that. I need to be more proactive about my life, you know? Like, I could totally be looking up stuff for a job this summer, or getting ready to go back to school, right? Yeah, maybe I'll go to the gym tomorrow, and start eating healthier! And you guys are so awesome! I don't know what I would do without my true friends like you. From here on, I'm done with totally stupid people and all of their bullshit. I know who's important to me, and I'm going to be true to them (and definetly, like, myself) from now on.

    Today
    OMG, Xanga, u are so totally awesome! Thanks for helping me get all this off my chest lately. I totally feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders, you know? Everything is totally fantastic!

    Love,
    /that vaguely described person, who can't spell, and hates him/herself, but not anymore because they've done some real soul searching after posting on their blog

    (But seriously folks, this has nothing to do with me. Other than the fact that I wrote it. At 3 am. Because I was REALLY bored.......You know?)

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

  • You Stupid Dikshit

    BEST INSULT EVER = SOME GUY'S NAME:
    Anurag Dikshit.

    I (Dik)shit you not, that's his name. Oh, and he's also the 207th richest person on the planet. Here's some article about him doing something illegal. I didn't actually read it, I just saw his name and laughed harder than I have in over a week (because studying for finals != many chances for a good laugh). LINK

Pulse

THE_pHess has no pulse!...